Time, As We Knew It
by Alamo Girl
Summary: This was not how Meredith Grey's day was supposed to play out.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: _Grey's Anatomy_, its characters and plots belong to Shonda Rhimes, Mark Gordon, et. al, _Touchstone Television_ and the ABC Network. No infringements are meant by using them in this work of pure fiction, and trust me, absolutely NO money is being made from this. This story's plot does belong to me, however.

**Author Note**: This is my first _Grey's Anatomy_ story, and I have to admit, I'm a newbie to the show as well. I just got hooked on it, and until I receive my Season 1 DVD, all that I know about past relationships, plots, ect., is what I've read online. So bare with me. This bunny hit me after last night's stellar episode, "It's the End of the World"- and I'm going to try to put out my version of a continuation from that episode. Of course, we'll get Part II in a week, but the Part I ending just wouldn't leave me alone! 'Gotta hate it when that happens! Enjoy!

**Time, As We Knew It**

**Part 1**

"_But that does not change the fact that she's got my McDreamy. And my McDog. She's got my McLife. And what have I got? You know, I can't remember the last time we kissed. 'Cause you never think the last time is the last time… you think there'll be more. You think you have forever but you don't..."_

This was not the way she thought her day would turn out. Oh sure, she'd had a bad feeling that morning, while she lay sprawled out under the warm covers - in her warm bed, which was rather conspicuously lacking that oh-so familiar warm, male body, today. She'd wanted to stay there, pull those warm covers over her head and mull over the point at which her life began to spin down the toilet. Time could go on, as she knew it would – and she could remain, in this never ending 'funk'.

But, Dr. Meredith Grey's luck was about the only constant in her life, it seemed. And predictably - her luck sucked.

Meredith closed her eyes. Here she was - an intern at the prestigious Seattle-Grace hospital, with some of the best doctors in their fields – experiencing some of the most challenging and arguably "oddest" cases she could hope for – and yet, all that she had accomplished would culminate to one thought racing in her head.

_What did I do? _

What had she done? Put herself through medical school? Tried to live up to her mother's name – while trying to forge her own identity? Started a relationship with a man, who all of the signs pointed to as being a really _bad_ idea - while at the same time, all of her gut feelings screamed that it was right? Laid her emotions and trust out for all to see, only to have them trampled on by the same man, who she was _so_ sure felt the same way about her – only to see him choose another?

"Mere, you still doing okay?" Dr. Yang's voice plucked Dr. Grey from her self introspection.

Meredith swallowed thickly, as the bomb squad guy slipped a body armor vest around her torso.

"I have my hand inside a man's chest, where there is an unexploded, very unstable piece of ammunition that may, or may not decide to blow this entire floor to Hell…how-do-you-think-I'm-doing?" she answered in one whole, shaky breath.

Cristina Yang, always cynical and quick with a dry wit, blinked at her friend. In actuality, it had been some twenty minutes since the young EMT lost control, and yanked her hand from the bleeding man's open chest wound, and sent everybody (except Meredith) to duck and cover. But there was no explosion. When Cristina realized they weren't all blown into the next wing, she couldn't believe her eyes. Her friend and fellow intern, had some how been able to replace the pressure from the young girl's hand over the shell – with her own. Not many people would have done that.

"Um, I'm going to go with 'freaking out' a little, right now…if I had to, you know…guess," Cristina said. She kept pumping on the Ambu-bag steadily, while bomb squad personnel moved cautiously around the table.

Dr. Grey smiled faintly, giving Dr. Yang a look that stated clearly '_duh'_, "Yeah, I'm a little freaked out right now. Did anyone find out what happened to Hannah?"

"The chick just hauled-butt and left you to deal with a bomb, and you're worried about her?" Cristina said incredulously.

"She's just a kid, Cristina. Everyone left her in here… she couldn't cope."

"Yeah, well, I still think someone should have just tranq-ed her and tied her butt to the table." Dr. Yang muttered.

"Dr. Grey, I need you to tell me if the shell moved at all when you put your hand in the wound tract. Quite stupidly, I might add," Dr. Burke's crisp voice rose over the din of agents talking into radios.

He was standing near the wall, trying to shoo the bomb squad agents away from the operating table, and keep an eye on his intern. There was little use in trying to keep the area sterile, but he'd be damned if he was going to let something happen to one of his interns in his own OR.

Meredith glanced down at her wrist, peeking out of the bloody mess that was the patient's chest.

"I think…I think it may have slipped further toward his right scapula, doctor." She cut off his next question before he could speak, her tone much harder, "And, I don't think this was stupid, sir. If I hadn't put my hand in here, the bomb might have gone off."

"And it might not have, Doctor Grey!" Burke bit back. "My point is – you doing something this rash and irresponsible could have cost a lot of lives here."

"Looks to me like she saved a few lives …_here_," Cristina said as she turned to Dr. Burke.

He sighed heavily, somewhat resigned to the fact that his girlfriend and underling, was right. He hated to admit it when she was right.

Agent Young of the bomb squad stepped in, "We need to clear this area and get the bomb to a secure location."

"_That_ is not a bomb, it's my patient, Agent," Dr. Burke growled, "And he isn't going any where with Dr. Grey sticking out of him like that."

"I'm not leaving." Meredith stated again. She didn't know why she kept saying that. Why shouldn't she just trade places with one of the squad guys - their hand in here could do just as well has hers! There was no reason she should have to stay here. Meredith looked down at the man she stood over. He seemed so blissfully unaware of the chaos around him. She envied him. Maybe this was what her feeling had been about this morning, and why it would have been infinitesimally better to stay home under the sheets.

"I should be really _hating_ you right now," she said finally to Cristina, as a squad guy pushed Yang away from the Ambu-bag and began pumping it himself.

"Wha? Hey!" Cristina protested, but Agent Young stated clearly that the fewer civilian personnel in the way, the better. His guy could take over the ventilation. "What do you mean, _hating_ me?" she asked as she sent a glare to her replacement.

"You kicked me out of bed this morning! I told you I had a feeling about today!" Meredith said angrily.

"Oh. Right. I just KNEW some jackass was going to shoot himself with a freakin' bazooka, and come in here with an unexploded bomb in his chest!" Dr. Yang said, exasperated. She had her hands on her hips, and for a moment, Meredith had to banish the vision of Dr. Bailey from her mind.

"I told you I had a feeling I might die today!" Meredith yelled as another agent was fastening more armor to her body. Suddenly, there seemed to be more police and bomb squad men moving about the room. And Dr. Burke was becoming more and more animated in the corner, talking to Agent Young.

"I didn't make you put your hand in there, Meredith! I didn't make you go 'hero' on us… why couldn't you have just covered your ass and hit the deck with the rest of us! What were you thinking?" Cristina berated her.

Meredith Grey paused at that. Honestly, now that she thought back through the time that seemed to be at a stand-still only an hour before – she had been perfectly calm when she replaced Hannah's hand with her own. She'd been calm, she didn't think – she just did it. Anyone who had been having such foreboding feelings of late, would have taken this as a sign that it was time to cut your losses and run like hell. It's not as if her life had been exactly smiley-faces and sunshine lately, perhaps she should have taken the hint. She'd been so hesitant about coming in today, and now, Meredith Grey couldn't bring herself to leave. If she moved, the patient would bleed out – the bomb could go off. She looked up at Dr. Yang and Dr. Burke, as they argued with the agents and officials. These were her friends, her colleagues. Suddenly, her mind shifted to the people in the OR down the hall. Derek hadn't left. Bailey's husband was clinging to life, in Derek's hands.

She couldn't leave, not now. Meredith remembered her oath, "First, do no harm". If she left, her patient could die – and trading places with anyone else might have the same result. She was a doctor, and this was her job.

"We have to move them to a more secure location. We can cover the patient with a lead cover, to minimized damage if the bomb…detonates. He's on a rolling table, we can just roll him and walk Dr. Grey down the hall – get them to a room farther away from that crazy doctor with the brain surgery over there." Agent Young he leaned toward Dr. Burke, hoping that the taller man would heed his warning. If the doctor in OR2 wouldn't leave, then they needed to isolate the bomb incase of a possible blast.

"You aren't going to be able to extract that bomb and disarm it with out killing my patient…or my intern, Agent Young," Dr. Burke said lowly.

Young fairly growled in frustration_, did these doctors have such a God complex they can't see the danger until it blows up under their noses?_

"Is there an OR that is more secluded, someplace near here that we could get them to quickly?" he asked.

"Yes, there a teaching auditorium at the end of the hall and around the corner, but…" Burke started.

"Great, that's where we are moving them," Young motioned to his crew, as they started toward Dr. Grey.

"You aren't going anywhere with out me there." Burke said. "Someone has to get that shell out of this chest cavity without killing him." _Or all of us…_

---------------------

Time. It always seemed to be running out – or running over a person. Being a neurosurgeon, Dr. Derek Shepherd had a different understanding of time than most people. Time, as most knew it – could be measured in life experiences.

But time as Dr. Shepherd knew it – was measured in breaths, in duration lengths of anesthesia, in CCs of medication. The minutes clicking by on the surgery clock correlated to the amount of damage Mr. Jone's brainwould sustain being deprived of oxygen due to a blood clot.

Derek's hands moved smoothly and confidently, doing the job they were trained to do – yet all the while, Derek counted. He'd had Bailey's husband under for 40 minutes. He'd just about finished cleaning out the clots he found, and was starting his final check for any he hadn't found. He counted the minutes, waiting for his pager to go off again. He wondered what had happened in OR 3. No explosions – a good sign.

Meredith had been in that OR. Dr. Shepherd's hands paused for a moment. Surely she left with the other personnel. He shook his head slightly, he shouldn't be thinking about Dr. Grey right now.

But, if he was to beperfectly honest with himself, Meredith Grey was rarely out of his thoughts. He saw her constantly in the halls or in the break room, around the hospital, or while they were working on a case together – and he would usually have to forcibly reign his mind back onto whatever he'd been working on before her presence assaulted his senses. Sometimes, like this morning, he'd simply find her standing in the hallway – gazing off into nothingness. Derek hadn't sought her out; he just seemed to 'be' where ever she was. He longed to know what she was thinking, in those times when the expression on her face tugged at his heartstrings. He'd ask her if she was okay, she'd give him one or two word answers – the vocal equivalent of placing her hand on his chest and pushing him away. It stung, terribly.

Mr. Jone's O2 sats beeped, and Derek was brought back to the here and now. He kicked himself mentally - _you are in the middle of removing a blood clot from Dr. Bailey's husband's brain._

_You can't very well tell her you missed something because you were daydreaming about Meredith Grey!_ The thought of what the petite Dr. Bailey would do to him, pregnant or not, steeled his hands as they worked tirelessly.

The door to Dr. Shepherd's OR opened. He glanced up over the lenses of his operating glasses, to see a very pensive and nervous looking Dr. Yang standing just inside the door.

"Bailey's husband had more extensive damage than I thought, but I believe I've cleaned out the last bleeder." He stated wearily.

Cristina Yang stood motionless. For the first time, she didn't know exactly what to say.

Dr. Shepherd looked over at the intern again, thinking that the Code Black had just rattled her a bit.

"The girl, the one with the chest-cavity bomb…how is she?" Derek asked, with more casualness than he thought possible. He was beyond tired, arm deep in the brain-matter of the husband of the most intimidating doctor at Seattle-Grace – and there was a bomb not twenty feet from his door. Maybe he should have sounded more anxious, but he was just too exhausted.

_He's asking about the EMT girl? There's a bomb, in a guy's chest…it could blow any second – he's performing brain surgery on Bailey's husband…under the threat of a bomb exploding…and he's concerned about the girl? Man, I'd be nauseated by his 'heart-of-gold compassion' thing… if I wasn't nauseated about having to tell him that Mere…_

"Yang?"

Cristina jumped slightly, struggling to find her tongue, which had gone dry somewhere along the line.

"Uh…the girl. She's…" she fumbled. Dr. Shepherd looked up from his work again, staring at her. "She's Meredith."

The room stilled. To Derek – time, itself quieted, until the thud of his own heart was all that was sounding in his ears. He was frozen, and he couldn't seem to pull himself out of it. _What did she say?_

"I – I'm sorry…_what_?" Derek stuttered when he could finally force air out of his windpipe.

Yang closed here eyes while she stilled her tongue from lashing some scathing remark at her superior. _What didn't he understand?_

"The girl with the bomb – its Meredith. She traded places with the EMT girl, and now has her hand in the chest cavity of a man with a bomb inside him." She said.

Derek Shepherd's throat tightened. His heart sped up until he was sure it would drum its way out of his ears. _What the hell happened over there? What is Meredith thinking?_

All questions, mundane and imperative, went racing through his mind at a fever pitch. He looked down at his fingers, curved over the probe and suction device he was using to save a friend's husband's life – they were starting to tremble.

And then, the silence was smashed like shards of glass by the piercing scream of his patient's heart monitor – flat lining.

**TBC to Part 2 soon!**

Please READ and REVIEW! Tell me what you think!

This will be short, just two parts. I still have a lot of "getting to know" work to do (the show and characters) with _Grey's Anatomy_, (and I have other fics to be worked on) so nothing long for me in this category right now. Who knows, maybe something will crop up later, after I get some more _Anatomy_ under my belt!

I hope I did alright for this first part for this story, for being a _Grey's Anatomy_ novice!


	2. Part 2

**Disclaimer**: I still don't own _Grey's Anatomy_ or its characters. I'm just leasing them for a little while…I'll turn Patrick Dempsey in all shiny and clean when I'm through. My husband won't let me keep him.

**A/N**: Wow, I am so pleased that all of you GA buffs like my little story, and that you think I've done pretty good with the characters! What a great compliment for a newbie! I might fumble with the medical jargon in this part, but the main focus is on the emotions of the situation. I hope you'll overlook any medical snafus. I watched the episode again last night, and caught a few mistakes I'd made (like Bailey's hubby's name). Thanks for the heads up! Now, I reeeeeally can't wait for next Sunday night! Everybody's "feelings" for each other will be put to the test, I predict – and the music will rock! Oh - the drama! Enjoy this second part!

**Time, As We Knew It**

**Part 2**

The world crashed back in on Dr. Derek Shepherd, like a tidal wave breaking on a cliff's point. The screech of the monitor, the nurses jumping to attention – he was vaguely aware of Dr. Yang coming to his aide.

"Pressure's bottoming out, doctor!" The anesthesiologist nearest Derek frantically started pumping on Mr. Jones' Ambu-bag manually.

Derek moved out of the way so the nurse could administer stimulant to his patient's heart, per his instruction. Since he was trying to keep the skull flap stable, all he was able to do was bark instructions and hope to God Bailey's husband was as tenacious as she was.

"Yang! Be ready with the paddles if the Epinephrine doesn't kick-start his system." Derek's voice had regained its authority, even if his heart hadn't quite dislodged itself from his throat.

"Another bleeder?" Yang asked as she pumped the stimulant directly into the patient's heart.

"Has to be…a clot dislodged or…that's it, c'mon Tucker," Derek coaxed, as Mr. Jones' heart started beeping regularly, his pressure climbing back up.

"He's stabilizing again," Yang said.

"Good, and I think I've found that bleeder," Dr. Shepherd breathed.

With this catastrophe averted, for the time being, Derek tried to concentrate on getting Mr. Jones sutured back together – while his heart and mind worked feverishly through all the horrible possibilities going on just down the hall. _With Meredith_.

----------------

"I'm going to put this lead sheath over the patient and your hand, Dr. Grey. Okay?" Agent Young didn't really care whether or not Meredith agreed, all he was concerned with was making sure this hospital didn't loose a few floors to a bomb detonation.

Meredith didn't answer – just remained still and tried to slow her breathing. _Easy breaths_, that's what Derek had told her. That day in the supply closet…she'd felt like she was loosing control. Then, he'd been there and it all seemed to fade slowly back into focus. Derek Shepherd seemed to have that effect on her, she'd noticed. Meredith cautiously obeyed when the bomb squad told her to move fluidly with the gurney. They were going to start down the hall, toward the teaching auditorium – and she couldn't jostle the table, or make any jerky movements.

_How about when I hear something click? Then can I move?_

"Dr. Grey, I want to you tell me immediately if you feel any movement of the shell – anything, do you understand?" Dr. Burke asked, as the gurney slowly moved between the doors of the OR.

"Where is Cristina?" Meredith asked suddenly.

Burke paused for a moment, as if the question caught him off guard. "She's…in OR 3 with Dr. Shepherd. I told her to go see if she could help him get things moving faster."

Meredith just stared down at the patient, not meeting Burke's eyes.

"Meredith?" he asked.

"She kicked me out of bed this morning," she said softly, as they inched their way down the dark hallway.

Burke furrowed his brows, "Kicked …_you_ out of bed?" Realization dawned on him. "The _thing_ she had to do. It was kicking you out of bed."

Meredith glanced up at her resident, her face was growing ever so slightly paler.

"I had a feeling when I woke up this morning. I…I didn't want to come in…to work."

Dr. Burke felt the patient's neck to check his pulse. It was thin and thready. His skin was growing cold – probably the blood pressure was dropping.

"Why didn't you want to come to work? You have an internship at a prestigious teaching hospital…," he said absently, wondering how much more waiting this man was going to have to endure, before he died from shock.

Meredith looked down at the patient's face. She thought back to the dream she'd had that morning – ominous and tense. It was one of those dreams where you aren't sure whether you're really dreaming. The ones where you're caught between sleep and awake – but the feeling is definitely real. She'd been standing in what she thought was an OR. But, there was no patient, no bomb squad – it was silent. Derek was there…watching her. She'd been crying, as if some horrible reality had just set in and she just couldn't deal with it. The only problem was, at the time- she didn't know what reality was pressing on her soul.

Now, as the gurney (and what seemed like her fate) rolled down the hallway, inching nearer to the teaching auditorium, Meredith wondered if this was what her dream had been telling her. A few moments had passed before she realized Dr. Burke was staring at her.

"I had this feeling that I might die today." She stated simply.

Dr. Burke opened his mouth – then closed it. For once, he didn't have an answer.

-------------

Dr. Shepherd finished the last suture on Mr. Jones' skull. Quickly he ordered the man be taken to ICU for recovery and that Bailey should be informed. For a moment, he wondered how Bailey's labor was coming. Surely she should be about ready to deliver. Addison would take care of her – she was good at taking charge of situations, even if that situation was someone like Miranda Bailey. He tore off his gloves and operating lenses and pushed his way out into the corridor – making a bee-line for OR 2.

Dr. Yang was on his heels. "Dr. Shepherd! The bomb squad wants us out of here! Especially since the surgery is over!" It was a futile argument though, Shepherd hadn't even slowed – and truth be told, Cristina couldn't be dragged away. Her friend was in there with that bomb. Not to mention, her boyfriend.

"I don't give a damn what that bomb-squad _squirt_ says," Derek yelled back. "I'm going to help…if I can." _It's Meredith. I have to do something_.

"Right. Screw the law," Cristina said as they went into OR 2.

It was empty, save for the few bloody towels and sheets on the floor. Derek's heart stopped, literally.

_Surely not… God. No…_

But Cristina recovered first. "Oh man, Dr. Burke must have allowed them to move the patient down to the auditorium."

"They moved them! Why the hell would they take that chance?" Derek blurted, running his hands frustratedly through his dark hair and turning on Cristina.

She blinked at his vehement reaction, "Uh…I'm guessing they wanted to get the bomb farther away from your OR. The auditorium must be a safer place if it bl-…"

"Just – stop! It's not going to blow!" Derek spat at the intern. He turned on his heel and ran down the corridor, Cristina right behind him.

"I can't believe they would take that chance and move her – move them!" he growled as the rounded the corner. "Burke has lost his mind taking that risk."

Cristina chose to remain silent on that point. Maybe… some part of her agreed with that.

Derek Shepherd nearly ran right into the glass that separated the gallery from the operating theater. He was breathing hard, and it wasn't from the exertion of running. He felt his heart pounding impossibly harder within his chest.

In front of him, an odd conglomeration of people had gathered in the operating theater. There were bomb squad personnel strategically placed around the center of attention – Meredith. Some had equipment with them; others were pushing in what looked like blast shields. Dr. Burke was standing next to Meredith, clad in body armor and looking far too nervous.

Derek's eyes stilled on Meredith's form. She looked pale –alone. Obviously terrified, yet there was as stillness about her. It was almost calm. Derek suddenly wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight – until life and time all faded away. He wanted to get in that room.

But, as he and Cristina made their way to the door, two burly officers blocked them, saying that they couldn't go in and disturb the delicate procedure. Cristina called one of them a _jerk-off_ – but all Derek could do was to place his skilled hands on the window and watch.

It occurred to him, suddenly, that he'd spent a great deal of time watching Meredith Grey. He'd watched her work, deal with patients, deal with her friends. He'd watched her sleep, watched her cry – even watched her loose control – only to gain it back again leaning on his shoulder. Now, he was watching her stand there, facing him and looking down at her patient – unaware of the war raging within his soul.

Derek had never felt so useless in his life. He was used to fixing things – even if in the past, during their relationship, he was well aware that _he_ was the one doing the _breaking_. Should he have made different choices? Shouldn't he have latched onto a moment and told her how he felt? Is this how it was going to end?

Dr. Shepherd closed his eyes.

The truth was…Derek Shepherd didn't know what the hell he wanted…and now, he may not have the chance to do anything about it.  
--------------------

Meredith Grey could hear Dr. Burke talking, guiding the instruments around her hand to get to the ammunition under her fingertips. He was opening up the wound enough to assess the stability of the bomb, and perhaps, disarm it. Agent Young was talking him through what had to be done once the end of the shell could be seen.

She automatically did what she was told, but didn't really think about it. All she could think about what how her dream and her day had come full circle to this point in time - _this one point in time_. How had she reached a point in her life, where she didn't feel like she had anything to hope for? All because of a relationship? Surely she was made of better stuff than that - and that her existence (or continuation there of) didn't depend on whether McDreamy chose _her_ over his _wife_?

There had to be more to her than that…_right_?

_C'mon Meredith. You didn't stick your hand in this guy's chest, with a bomb…because you have some kind of a death-wish. Because Derek chose Addison, doesn't mean you have nothing to go on for…that's just stupid!_

Meredith swallowed thickly. Dr. Burke made the last cut and the shell was now barely visible. Agent Young had crept up behind Meredith, and was telling Burke how to disarm the bomb – when the agent who was pumping the patient's Ambu-bag, jostled the table.

The table jerked, causing everyone to audibly gasp. Meredith's hand accidentally pushed on the shell and it slipped sideways a quarter of an inch, actually becoming more visible through the wound tract.

Everyone stood stark still – the oxygen seemed to be sucked from the room.

But it was quiet. At the moment everyone jerked with the table, Dr. Shepherd had also jerked against the glass of the viewing area. He'd seen the agent loose his balance momentarily – and the table shift. In that millisecond, every memory of his and Meredith's relationship flashed before his eyes.

He'd loved her – and still did. He'd known that…but in all of the confusion and new feelings he'd experienced as his and Addison's relationship changed, he hadn't let himself acknowledge that fact. He still may not have known what he wanted – but he knew the feelings for Meredith were definitely strong.

And now, he might have to watch her die, and there was nothing he could do.

--------------

Meredith seemed to sense his presence suddenly, and locked eyes with the man she loved on the other side of the glass. There always seemed to be something barring the two of them – his seniority, her internship… his wife. Meredith found that funny. The glass was just another barrier. Derek's blue eyes pinned her – he looked horrible. His scrubs, which normally look rumpled and lived in, were now almost manic looking – stained with sweat. He still had his surgical cap on, but she could tell he'd been running his hands through the sides of his hair. His face was pained.

Dr. Grey knew the look that a patient gets when death was about to over-come him. She'd seen it often enough – she'd seen it on the face of the patient on the table before her. But she also knew the look that a doctor gets during surgery, and he knows it's a hopeless case.

Dr. Shepherd, miraculously, didn't have that look in those blue eyes she loved. He wasn't giving up on her.

A single tear escaped Meredith's eye – tracing a path down to her chin. She'd seen this in her dream…only at the time, should couldn't place the look on Derek's face, and she didn't understand what her heart was trying to tell her. Now, it was all clear.

"I know that in the operating room, you're the boss Dr. Burke. But in this case, _I'M_ the head honcho, and when I tell you to cut a wire…I mean cut it!" Agent Young's voice was frustrated and angry.

"How can you be sure that's the right wire?" Dr. Burke was sweating now as well, his hand with scissors hovering over the now exposed end of the shell.

"Because, unlike you, I've actually trained for this!" Young barked.

Burke hedged, "I don't like this. We situated this thing right next to Dr. Grey's thumb…and if we cut too fast it could shift, pushing her hand off the bleeder that is currently stopped, keeping this man alive!"

"Where as, if the damn thing blows up… the guy dies anyway!" Young retorted.

Meredith was caught between the yelling, and in that moment, a decision crystallized in her eyes. Derek saw it, and for a moment, wondered how much it would take to crash through the observation glass.

In one swift movement, Meredith Grey took the scissors out of Dr. Burke's hand – and cut the waiting wire.

-----------

"I can't believe you did that," Dr. Yang said for the fifteenth time. She and Meredith were sitting in the locker room.

The bomb squad had since cleared the hospital. After she'd cut the wire – and everyone remembered to breathe again – Dr. Burke successfully completed the repairs to their patient. It was still unknown whether he'd survive the trauma, lack of blood and shock – but at least "death by internal explosion" was not one of the factors.

Burke, however, _had_ exploded on Meredith once they cleared the room. He said he was seriously considering ending her internship for disobeying orders and making rash decisions. She'd listened, and did not offer a rebuttal. Ultimately, Cristina had come to her rescue, pointing out, not so subtly, that _he'd_ been too busy getting into a pissing contest with the bomb squad agent to do anything…and Meredith had done was what necessary. And Dr. Burke couldn't really argue with that logic.

Meredith leaned her head back against the lockers. She'd slid down to the floor when they first came in, after fielding a million questions from a million different people. She'd been ushered out of the auditorium so quickly, she hadn't even been able to say anything to Derek. He'd just been standing there, watching her being lead away – his trademark half-smile on his face, as another nurse came to him with Mr. Jones' charts.

"Meredith." Cristina's voice made her open her eyes. "What made you…you know…do it? I mean, you could have cut the wrong wire. You could have blown up – blown us all up. And then I would have had to kick your ass as a ghost for making me miss completing my internship and becoming a famous and successful surgeon."

Meredith smiled faintly. "What about Dr. Burke?"

"Wha? – Oh, I don't worry about him…he's too stubborn to die." She snarked. "And if he did, he'd just help me kick your ass in the afterlife…or whatever there is after _this_," she gestured with her hands around the room.

"I did it because I realized something," Meredith said softly.

"What?" asked Cristina.

Meredith looked at her friend, "I realized that there is something to keep going on for."

Cristina glanced at her, before pulling her hair back up into a messy pony-tail. "If you're about to spout all the romantic crap about how your love for McDreamy will keep you going, and how he's your reason for living – I'm going to hurt you."

"No," Meredith couldn't help but smile, "_I'm_ the reason."

Cristina gave her a look.

"Look, I don't know what's going to happen between him and me. I know I love him, yeah…but I realized that throwing myself an eternal pity-party wasn't the way to continue my life since our relationship ended. I've got my job…and my friends (she glared when Cristina snorted) and time moves on." Meredith looked over at her friend as she threw her coat on, preparing to leave.

"Yep. Time moves on…you can look forward to the single life of one-night stands of great or really crappy sex, fifty-cent shot nights - and the fact that when Bailey is back, you can be assured that your ass will be chewed if you have another 'I want to stay in bed' day." Cristina said as she walked past Meredith.

"But," she added as she stood in the door, "If you have another "death" feeling…tell me. I'm going to be calling in sick that day."

Meredith smiled and closed her eyes again. She heard the door open, but figured it was just George or Izzy coming to check on her again.

"You should really be getting some rest." Derek's voice was smooth and a little horse, and was the sweetest sound Meredith had heard all day.

"I'm fine." She said, looking up at him as he sat on the bench on front of her. His hair was tousled just enough to be messy but also irresistible. The lines on his face showed the stress from the day, but his eyes were warm and sympathetic. _As always._

For a moment, she wished he wasn't there. His presence was intoxicating, and not what she needed.

"That's what you always say, Mere," Derek answered as he moved to sit next to her. He wanted to be near her; as if to reassure himself that she was okay. He felt her shift uncomfortably, but it didn't deter him. He needed to make sure she was really _there_ and whole, for himself, if nothing else.

He watched her stare at her hands for a moment. "Why did you do it? Why did you put your hand inside that man?"

She shrugged, "Seemed like the best idea at the time."

"C'mon Meredith. You know what I mean. You could have ducked with the others, Dr. Burke told me what happened. He said you tried to talk the EMT girl out of running, but all the while, you were slipping your hand into position to take her place. You knew that bomb was unstable! Why did you have to be the one to do it?" Derek's voice became strained, as the frustration, fear and stress of the day seeped back in.

Meredith sighed and met Derek's questioning eyes. "Maybe I had something to prove…to myself. Maybe I had to prove that I could do it, or that I needed to feel something other than disappointment these days…or maybe I didn't even freaking think about it! It just happened!"

Derek swallowed. "Meredith, I realize things have been tough for us. I'm sorry…you never think the consequences of your decisions can effect so many people when you make them."

Meredith nudged him lightly, "Well, you do what you think is right at the time. Deal with the consequences later, I guess."

"Like you cutting that wire?" Derek leaned in toward her, pinning her eyes again and willing her to understand what that moment had done to him inside.

Meredith looked into his eyes – the world seemed to slow. For those few moments, the warmth that she used to feel being near him resurfaced, melting the aches and pains away. She held his gaze until the air buzzed and she forcibly willed herself to break the connection.

"I did it because I realized I wasn't going to be able to relive the time that you and I shared, the same way again … the time we knew is gone."

Derek nodded slightly, but allowed his hand to reach up and brush a lock of hair out of Meredith's eyes. His touch on her skin was feather-light, but the gesture was filled with memory.

"So what do you think time will bring for us?" he asked, his voice lightening somewhat.

Meredith Grey bestowed a soft smile on the man she loved, as she pushed up from the floor. She stretched and made her way to the door.

When she stopped and turned back to him, Derek was standing and leaning against the lockers – watching. He returned her smile with a handsome lopsided grin, and a twinkle in his eye.

"I don't know." Meredith said. "I guess we'll just have to find out."

**-END-**

Please **READ** and **REVIEW**. Let me know what you think!

**A/N**: Well, I hope you like it. I tried to end it how the show might do it – leaving the relationship of Meredith and Derek still troubled, but hopeful…and companionable. I have no idea how next week's part II will end, but this is just my guess. Well find out soon!

I really hope I did the characters justice in this, and I'm sorry for the length. It kinda got away from me. Hopefully you enjoyed my first _Grey's_ _Anatomy_ fic, and perhaps, after I get to know the show and characters more – I'll try my hand on another story with our favorite doctors and interns!

Keep it real! Thanks for the wonderful reviews!


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